My Subconscious
by JennaRay
Summary: Bella shares an eerie night in the meadow with Edward on Halloween. My entry for the Halloween countdown hosted by Breath-of-twilight. Rated M for moderate themes of violence.


**Disclaimer****: Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. All intellectual properties associated belong to the fan fiction author. Plagiarism is theft. No copying or reproduction of any of these works is permitted without express written authorization. Thank you.**

**A/N: This is my one-shot entry for the 2011 Halloween countdown hosted by Breath-of-Twilight. Enjoy! The other entries can be accessed on her profile. **

…

**My Subconscious**

…

It's the perfect crisp, cool fall night. As a child, I always had a strange aversion to Halloween. I didn't have much interest in trick-or-treating with the few friends that I had. I didn't want to stay up late watching scary films. I didn't want to go to any haunted houses. I didn't want to dress up in a stupid costume. I didn't want to go to any Halloween parties. I didn't want to carve pumpkins, make candy apples, or help my mother decorate our house.

But tonight, the night calls to me.

As I make my way through the woods next to Charlie's house, leaves and twigs crunch beneath my feet. The cool air tickles my skin. It's crisp, and yet there's still fog around me in every direction. The trees are still, no trace of wind. I can hear owls off in the distance, and chirping everywhere. It's late into the night and the space around me is even more dark the usual. I can see the moon peaking through the trees above me, but it doesn't seem to provide hardly any light.

The darkness is heavy. It whispers and breathes as it moves around me.

Normally I'd find the condition of the forest frightening, but I don't. In a way it soothes me, and the thought is not as unsettling as it should be. My nerve endings are buzzing. My senses are alive, but not with fear. I have a purpose in being there. I'm not afraid.

To an onlooker, I'm sure that I'd appear to be wandering aimlessly. I'm not consciously aware of the direction that I'm going, but I feel it in my bones where my destination is. I know where my feet are taking me.

Our meadow.

I don't actually know how to get to the meadow. I don't pay attention as Edward takes me there on his back. But tonight, I'm being _pulled_ there. I don't have to know what path to take. I'm one magnet, effortlessly being pulled to the other. My steps are confident, deliberate. As I approach, I can see the clearing start to form in front of me. It's almost as if it materializes right in front of my eyes.

I step into what I know is the meadow, but it's different. The trees that I passed on my walk all had leaves, but now suddenly all of the trees around me are bare. The grass shouldn't all be so dead and crunchy yet, but it is. The fog is thicker here. The darkness is thicker here.

What feels like a gust of wind rushes past me, but nothing around me seems to move with it. It sounds like a heavy sigh, and behind it follows a trail of whispers. Goosebumps rise on my skin, and for a moment I almost feel frightened.

But then I see him. Edward.

He's standing all the way across the meadow, on the opposite side. He's far away and it's dark and he's facing away from me. All I can see is his silhouette, but I know with certainty that it's him.

"Edward" I breathe, stepping forward and walking toward him purposefully.

I quicken my steps, yet it seems to be taking me more time than it should to cross the meadow. I'm moving, but Edward doesn't appear to be getting any closer to me. I start to walk faster, but I'm quickly getting frustrated with the feeling that I'm not making any progress. Just as I'm about to call out to him in distress, he's all of the sudden right in front of me in the middle of the meadow. I think that it must be his vampire speed. He's too quick for my inadequate eyes to even register.

I want him to look at me, but he still has his back to me. He appears to be dressed in a suit. I don't know why he won't face me.

"What took you so long?" He asks, his voice like wind chimes. "I've been waiting for you."

"You have?" I ask, my voice sounding feeble in comparison to his.

"Almost a hundred years." He answers.

I don't understand. I wonder if he means he's been waiting for me for the duration of his vampire life.

"I'm sorry." I answer, not knowing what else to say.

He moves in a flash, a blur as he turns around to finally face me. I'm relieved at first, happy to have him looking at me now, but I gasp when I see his eyes. They're darker than I've ever seen them before. I don't like it. I don't understand.

"Edward," I breathe, lifting my hand to touch his icy cheek with my fingertips. "You're eyes…they're so dark…"

"I'm sure." He says vaguely, a small smile forming on his full, pale lips.

His smile seems uncharacteristic for the topic.

"Why haven't you hunted?" I ask.

"It's not without purpose. You could say I've sort of been…fasting, I suppose."

"Why?" I ask, confused and concerned for him.

"I wanted to be thirsty. I wanted to enjoy tonight as much as possible."

"What's tonight?" I asked, not understanding. "Are you going hunting?"

I feel a familiar twisting in my stomach at the thought. I don't want him to leave. I never do.

"You don't remember?" He asks, frowning at me.

"Remember what? Did you already tell me you were going?"

He cocks his head to the side and looks at me as if I'd said something perplexing.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not until it's over, of course."

I want to ask him what he means, but before I get the chance he leans forward and kisses me. His cold breath on my face dazzles me, and as usual, it renders me oblivious to any thoughts I'd had before. All I can think about is the feeling of his marble lips, ever so gently caressing mine. That alone is intoxicating, and yet I still want more.

I expect that he will pull away too quickly as he always does, but before that can happen, everything around us abruptly changes.

Suddenly, I'm lying on my back on the ground of the meadow and Edward hovers above me as he kisses my neck. At first my mind starts to attribute to this to his vampire speed again. However, I quickly notice that things are very out of the ordinary…impossibly so, in fact. The dead grass beneath me is no longer dead grass. Unexplainably, we're now surrounded by an abundance of vibrantly bright red flowers. The trees now had leaves on them. The meadow is beautiful again. It's still night, still dark, and the moon as still the only thing illuminating the area. But more so than all of that, there's an even bigger change that takes my breath away.

Edward is now completely naked…and sparkling.

That's all I can focus on for a good while. It takes me longer than it should to realize that I'm also naked.

I know that all of this is impossible, but for some reason I'm not troubled. It feels so right that I don't care. I should be self-conscious of my nude body beneath Edward's. I should be nervous about him seeing me naked for the first time, but I'm just not. It feels wonderful, like this is where I've been meant to be my whole life.

"Are you ready?" He breathes into my neck.

I don't know what he's asking, but I know my answer.

"Yes." I say, running my fingers through his hair.

His hand cups my breast and squeezes it gently before slowly sliding it down my body. It stills at the place where my hip meets my thigh and me moves over to the place between my legs. He strokes my folds there gently with his fingers and I gasp. I've been begging for this kind of contact _forever_, and now it is happening insanely fast. It isn't possible, but my body's reactions are very real.

"I've waited so long. And now we have forever." He says in his normal, magically beautiful voice.

"Forever? You're going to change me?" I ask, excitement bubbling inside of me.

He pulls back to look at me, and I'm humbled in his beauty. His skin is still sparkling miraculously, but his eyes are now blood red. It should be frightening, but instead it captivates me. I've never seen his eyes that color. It's wrong, but in a way I don't understand, I find it beautiful.

"Isn't that what you came here for?" He asks, fingers beginning to stroke me again.

I want to let my eyes flutter closed in pleasure, but don't because I'm so mesmerized in his exquisite beauty. I can't look away.

"Yes." I moan, not even aware of what I'm answering to.

All I care about is that this doesn't stop.

His fingers rub something that makes me yelp in pleasure. I wasn't previously aware of how wet I'd become, but I can feel it now. It's on the inside of my thighs. I have no experience in sexual activity, but it feels like Edward knows exactly what he is doing with his fingers. I know he's not experienced either, and yet he in no way resembles some naïve teenage boy fumbling around awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

The feeling is so intoxicating that I finally do let my eyes close, but only momentarily. I open them again quickly, and when I do, I gasp loudly.

Edward's lips are coated in blood. He's looking at me lustfully, as if oblivious to it.

"Edward," I breathe, staring at the troubling new happening. "You're lips…"

He licks them and moans in pleasure.

"This is the closest I'll ever be to heaven." He tells me. "I hope it doesn't hurt much."

I'm confused. He's speaking as if the blood has come from me, but I feel no pain. Surely I would have noticed if he bit me.

To be sure, I lift my hand and swipe it cross my neck. Sure enough, when I look at it, it's covered in blood. I feel my eyebrows furrow together. I feel no pain. I don't understand.

"Wha –?"

"It won't be long, my love." He says in an assuring tone. "It won't be long until forever."

As I'm looking at my hands, I suddenly notice that both of my wrists have bite marks on them. I feel no pain in them either. This just confuses me more. The blood is dripping down my forearms. When I look back up at Edward's face, I see that there is now more blood on his lips. It's dripping down his chin. I think to myself that I wouldn't think he would want me to see him like that, but he doesn't seem at all troubled by it. He doesn't even seem to notice.

Suddenly, he kisses me. Hard. I instinctively start to recoil, sure that I'll be grossed out by the blood, but then I realize yet another strange occurrence. Although I can taste the blood, it's not the taste _of_ blood. It tastes kind of like honey, but sweeter. It's delicious. I moan into Edward's mouth and eagerly begin to kiss him back, wanting more.

He kisses me deeply for a few moments before he pulls back. He looks at me just briefly, eyes still bright red, before he lowers head to my neck again. He's going for the opposite side of my neck, not the one that had already been bitten. I realize that he's going to bite me again. I brace myself and close my eyes again.

I expect it to hurt.

I'm wrong.

His teeth sink into my neck like a knife into butter. It's so incredibly smooth. His teeth penetrating my flesh should hurt, but it doesn't.

Instead…it's the most intense pleasure I've ever felt.

I feel like a bomb has exploded inside of me. An eruption of pleasure bursts in the pit of my stomach. Ecstasy races through my veins. I gasp for air, not able to breathe because it feels _so damn good_. I don't have the capacity to be confused by what I'm feeling. Every nerve of my body, every cell of my brain, is occupied by this wave of raw bliss washing over me. I cry out and my toes curl. I'm sure that body is going to pop open like a balloon. It can't hold this feeling in. It's too much.

Suddenly my breath catches in my chest and my eyes fly open. I'm not naked. I'm not surrounded by bright red flowers. Edward is not naked on top of me. I'm not in the moonlight. I'm not even in the meadow.

It takes me a while to realize _where_ I am.

I'm in my bed. I'm in my room. I'm in Charlie's house. I'm sweating, and I'm panting.

At first I'm resolved that there is absolutely no way that was a dream. It was too real. But as consciousness comes back to me, I begin to float back down to reality. I remember going to sleep. I remember putting on my pajamas and saying goodnight to Charlie and talking to Edward about changing me until I feel asleep…

Edward.

Where is Edward?

I shift to stretch out my legs and am suddenly aware of an extreme amount of wetness in my panties. Oh God. Did I really just have a wet dream like some horny, pubescent, thirteen year old boy?

I throw back my covers and sit up. I reach over to the lamp on the table next to my bed and turn it on. I jump a bit in surprise when I see Edward. He's sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of my room. He has a pained expression on his face.

"Edward? What's wrong? Why are you sitting over there?"

I think he senses my concern. His face softens. He even offers me a small smile.

"Nothing's wrong, love. You were having a dream and I just…" He pauses to clear his throat unnecessarily. "Needed some distance."

"Why?" I ask, feeling my cheeks heat. "You don't ever leave me when I'm dreaming."

He swallows thickly, looking uncomfortable.

"I know. I thought you were having a nightmare. I was trying to sooth you and I was going to wake you up, but then…"

I wait for him to finish his sentence, but he doesn't.

"Then what?" I prompt.

He sighs.

"You had an orgasm in your sleep, Bella."

I gasp. Is he serious?

"H-how do you…know that?" I ask softly, a whisper.

"Your blood. It all rushed rapidly to your…"

Again, he doesn't finish his sentence. He doesn't have to.

"Oh my God…" I mumble.

"W-what were you dreaming about?" He asks, clearly unable to withhold his curiosity.

I sigh, feeling a wave of confidence wash over me.

"You're changing me today Edward. I don't care if you're scared. I've waited long enough. I'm supposed to be like you. I know it. I'm done waiting."

He gulps.

And then he nods.

.

.

.

**A/N:**

**Thank you to Breath-of-twilight for asking me to take part in the countdown. **

**Also, a big thank you to my Beta, **_**GinaJas**_**. **

**Let me know what you thought!**


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